Collected by MystWalker Is the Glass Half Full Or Half Empty? Is the glass half ful, or half empty? Winter (mystwalker@elfwood.zzn.com) October 1, 1999 (16:50) Eshu - I remember the glass, shall I tell you of it? Pooka - *a mysterious glass-shaped bulge in their pockets and water stains running down their legs* There isn't a glass, so how could it be full or empty? Sidhe - Who cares? The dignity of my house is at stake, not some stupid glass! Satyr - I would say half full, but only because if it wasn't I couldn't see the true beauty of your eyes... Knockers - Fuck the glass! WHO TOOK HALF MY DRINK!?!?! Boggins - My, that's a tad disgusting, leaving a used glass out like that. Here, let me wash it for you. Redcaps - *crunching* Mmm, good glass. The water sucked. Slugah - I'll tell you only if you pay me the right amount. Troll - If I said that, I'd be betraying the one who told me to keep it a secret. If I missed any I'm sorry, don't have the book in front of me. The knocker's answer will always be mine IRL. It just screws with people's brains. Forgive me is some my answers don't really fit well, not big on a lot of the kiths. And now, becayse I'm really bored, I'll do more WoD answers: Pumonca (werecougars) - *silent stare* Malkavians - *insane laughter* Mr. Didleberry, the man in my thumb, says that it's half full!!! Glass-Walkers - *does some work on the computer* Hmmm, according to my calculations the glass is only 49.8 percent empty, thus, your question is invalid. Simba (werelions) - *sound of glass hitting the wall* BOW BEFORE ME INSOLENT BEING! I AM THE KING OF BEASTS! Bagheera (werepanthers/leopards) - Alah once told me the answer, have you not found the enlightenment necessary to find your own? Qualmi (werelynx/bobcats) - But is there really a glass, or are you just imagining it? Ajaba (werehyenas) - Screw the glass and get the fuck outta my territory!!! *insane yipping and ripping of claws on flesh* Bubasti (werecats - Egyptian origin, cat kin extinct) - *gulping of liquid* I don't suppose you have any more? Ventrue - It's beneath me to answer that. Toreador - *in torpor over the thought of such a profound question* Ok, I think I'm tapped for right now. I'll post more later. If you need any explained (especially bastet, prolly that's what nobody will get unless you play) I'll be happy to. -Winter, the Happily Bored Satyr ATog October 1, 1999 (17:31) Bubasti: *Stares* you insolent feind! How dare you speak to one who was beseched by the Kuphur that way! Begone from my land. thats more like it. -- ATog Beccatoria (Beccatoria@mordor.globalnet.co.uk) October 1, 1999 (17:41) The Inanimae: Gloams: This is indeed a weighty matter. I must consult with my fellows. We may be sometime. Mannikins: After conversing in code in a strange house in the middle of the Dreaming they decide that the glass is of little consequence to their masterplans. Ondines: Half empty, Half full, you miss the point my friend. Perhaps the important question is why do you need the glass? What will the ramifications of drinking the water be on your soul, if you indeed have one, though isn't that the question we are all seeking an answer to? Kuberas: Water?! Who cares if it's empty or full?! What fun is Water, lets spice it up a little *uses birthright and makes water more 'productive', turns it alcaholic* (I know you couldn't really do that. Solimoands: Keep that glass away from me before I burn the table down! (Solimonds aren't all that fond of water). Parosemes: Wow, what an interesting question...I'll have to think about that one...Maybe the wind has the answer...the spring breezes maybe, or perhaps the winter storms, it's been too long since I rode them...they're calling me, I must go! Okay, not great, but I'm tired. Maybe someone who knows more about the inanimae like Whysper will redo them. Beccatoria. 'Real...Nothing is real, in a world of illusion you only see what you feel.' Wallaboy (boypooka@hotmail.com) October 4, 1999 (01:14) Nonononono! Pooka: Hahahahaha! Who cares, you've got it all down your shirt! I can't believe you actually fell for that dribble glass! Your one was more like a piskies. Luke O'Laly (lukeolaly@icqmail.com) October 4, 1999 (01:22) Uh...okay I'm going to give it a try for wraiths. Centurions: *Glaring* I answer to no renegades. Heretic: *Smiling wiesly* God knows the answers. Artificer: I don't know, but if you smash it, I can make a really great artifact out of it. Harbinger: *Frowns slightly* I don't know, but I can tell you hot to get to it from the tempest. Pardoners: *Nodding* No need to worry, I have protected the water that exists from the shadow of the dead water. Proctors: Water? *Turns solid and drinks it* Ahh...it's been a while. Oracles: Hmmm...let me look into the future and see the fate of the remaining water... Chaunteurs: *Looking curious* Tell me though....what emotions does the loss of the water invoke in you? Monitors: I don't know about the water, but the glass is one of Jimmy's fetters... Masquers: *Nods* Right. Who cares? *Walks away* ((By now I realise I don't know wraith as well as I should.)) Outrage: *The glass and water vanishes into oblivion* What glass? Haunters: *The walls drip blood and the glass fills with spectral black blood* Full. Sandman: Depends on what you dream of it.... Puppeteers: I don't know, but if you let me skinride you while you drink it, I'll give you my thanks. Usury: *Calculating* About....2 obuli's worth I'd say... Of course, I bet someone else could do a much better job, but there you go! Not a wraith expert, but I got some books on it! Luke O'Laly (lukeolaly@icqmail.com) October 4, 1999 (01:28) Forgot one! Ferrymen: *Frowning* This knowledge is not meant for you at this time....come to me again when you are closer to transendance. Heh heh heh. Idris Blaidd (ShadowTemplar@hotmail.com) October 4, 1999 (01:57) The version for my Australian kiths: Baga-Djimbiri: *looks curiously at glass, prods it, recoils in shock at tinging sound and proceeds to crush the glass, as well as any European in the vicinity* Djangwull: *with the voice coming from the glass* The glass does not interest me as much as your haunting foreign beauty. Kunapipi: *gasp* You have cut yourself upon the glass! Here, let me heal your wounds! Wandjina: *stares in contemplation as the glass warps and bends into an interesting shape* And now for the rest of the Werewolves: Black Fury: This glass is a symbol of the Mother's womb. Should any man defile Her womb, we shall destroy him. Bone Gnawer: That depends on how much the information is worth to you. Child of Gaia: Just be at peace, and do not frustrate yourself with such questions. Fianna: YOU BASTARD! I ASKED FOR WINE! Get of Fenris: *howls out a challenge* I challenge you to a fight to the death for asking such a thing! Red Talon: *too bust mutilating the human to get an answer* Shadow Lord: That question is irrelevant to my plan to take over Garou society. Silent Strider: *panting for breath, drinks the glass* More... water... Silver Fang: You insult my lineage and intellect to ask such a question! Stargazer: Be calm. Be at one with the glass as the Winds guide you... Uketna: That depends on what the spirits tell me of the glass. Wendigo: Return the lands to my people and I will tell you. Must do something about that limp... Fine, I'll do the mages then. Akashics- You must find your own answer. Choristers- Ahh, surely the One must know, please wait while I pray on this matter. Cultists of Ecstasy- Glass? Sorry, my vision seems blurry. Dream Speakers- The spirits will show me the answer. Euthanatos- It does not matter in the great cycle, but... empty. Hermetics- Do not bother me with trivialities, child! Sons of Ether- Just wait there, I'll get my instruments. Verbena- Why do you burden yourself with modern trappings, such as glass? Virtual Adepts- Thanks! I was getting thirsty from being online so long. Ummm, do you think you could get me something to eat too? Hollow Ones- *Smash* Just leave me alone! Syndicate- Tell you what, I'll give you your own tv show, where you can ask people that. I think it'd be a real ratings winner. Progenitors- Hmmm, here drink this. New World Order- You are not interested in my opinion. Iteration X- I no longer desire water. Void Engineers- Hey! I think I'll go look for an answer. Thanks I was getting bored. *Don't worry if that makes no sense, I'm not sure I understood it.* Nephandi- I can tell you all you want, for a price... Marauder- Mmmm, pretty glass. So, who's gonna tackle Vamps? kevin schultz (kevin_schultz@yahoo.com) October 4, 1999 (03:55) OK, just a minor modification to the previous posting... Akashic Brotherhood: Yes Sorry. I just had to. How Many Changelings Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb? The Etertnal Triskster Lokey (Lokey-loki) September 18, 1999 (21:57) Okay folks here goes: Boggan: One, as long as you're not watching him. Eshu: Two One to change the lightbulb the other to steal your wallet when your not looking. Nioker: "Go Screw Yourself." Pooka: "The lightbulbs are already screwed in." Redcaps:: "Mmmmmm ....Lightbulb...." Satyrs: As Many that can fit Or "Forget that light Bulb Let's do some screwwing of our own..." Sidhe: "Screw in Lightbulbs? that's Commoner's work." Sluagh: None. They like the dark But for a price They will Tell you exactly how the old one met its demise.... Troll: I hate Checking Christmass tree lights... Well What avout you... Give your jokes... "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) September 18, 1999 (22:12) Bravo! SHADOW COURT TIME: Boggarts (Unseelie): 14. One to actually to do after he's made sure he's hired all his friends and family (8). Brought in some associates on his payroll (2) to tap your phone, bug your bedroom, and install hidden cameras all over the place. While they're faking a week's worth of work, another one will hide and take notes, yet another one will relay whatever's been found before breaking the lightbulb as they leave, and a final one is needed to break the new lightbulb after all this has been done. Boggies: 20, New levels of pain are reached as they drink foul potions over human sacrafices of children. Lots are drawn and mixed with changeling eyes as they eventually draw straws made from a Sidhe Virgin's hair to determine who will go out for pizza and who will change the bulb (deciding is hard work). Beasties: No one knows. All that is known is that a empty freehold with a newly changed lightbulb was found with it's occupants slashed to shreds by wild beasts...a trail of animal prints leading to the forrest.... Goblins: 112. A task like this causes them to horde like wildfire into the area slaying each other with weapons of doom and hideous mechanical chimmeria with screams echoing across the plains for a full year....before...a wandering pooka attracted by the mess changes the lightbulb over all the corpses. To which they promptly blast him. Ogres: One after which he destroyed the freehold and the village it was in. Devils (me own creation): One is all you'll ever need...BUT A LOT of lightbulps. They'll get their lover to do it but before he commits suicide he'll break the bulb and cause a chain reaction with the new lover (Blue beard was a devil). "Charlie" -- "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) Beemanfunk (beemanfunk@hotmail.com) September 19, 1999 (11:18) A few Gallain... Clurichaun: One, and here he is.... Wait! He was just here a minute ago... OR a variation: 8, one to hold the bulb in place and 7 to make the room go spinning. Ghille Dhu: Where the heck can you find tree with a bulb outlet on it? Pixies: Who stole all the bulbs? Selkies: ::sound of a massive eletrical shock:: Oops... Spriggan: None. The lightining that he is causing is enough light to scare the children he kidnapped. another variation Nocker: None. He had an automatic bulb screwer do it for him. It's all in good fun... The Mess (the_mess@my-deja.com) September 19, 1999 (16:54) Fomorians: None, they do not change bulbs that have gone over to the Dark. -- The Mess (the_mess@my-deja.com) The Mess (the_mess@my-deja.com) September 19, 1999 (18:51) Eshu: None, they'll get to the otherside of the room eventually anyway, it's a more interesting journey if they don't change the bulb. I wonder how long this thread will last until somebody represents the infamous "Who Many Newsgroup Posters Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?" story... "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) September 19, 1999 (19:19) THE HOUSES! Gywnedd: Despite a love for the light of truth most burst out screaming this line "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY HONOR WITH SUCH COMMONER WORK! DRAW YOUR SWORD CUR!" Dougal: Assuming his disability doesn't force him to make a chimmerical replacement for it so he CAN screw it in only one is needed after which you'll never need another lightbulb again.... Eiuland: They prefer the dark and transform any who try to change it into Pooka (pooka changed rarely notice). Fiona: None. They arn't afraid of the dark unless the previous light was beloved. Liam: They're too busy changing their mortal neighbors bulbs to care. Aihli: First of all they want to KNOW EXACTLY *WHY* you want it changed, secondly they want to know what's in it for them, and THEN they want to know why you ARN'T DOING IT and assuming you make it worth their wild they send a minion. Leahuan: They didn't change it and had nothing to do with it's burning out in the first place... Balor: 2. One to donate the glowing eye they use instead of a bulb and another to pluck it out and install it. Scanath: There never around when you need them to change it... "Charlie" Aided by Mess who has a fondness for Fiona and Lehauan. -- "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) Wallaboy (boypooka@hotmail.com) September 19, 1999 (23:59) Some chimera. Nevers- One. It just needs to incessantly point it out to someone that the lightbulb needs changing and it'll get done. Snufflers- One. It needed a new eye anyway. Scritchers- One. "Okay, I'll change it! Just please leave me alone!" Dragons- "Lightbulb? I don't understand. Arrrh, you annoy me, little one, I think I'll just eat you now." Lots of ones. Whysper (aspenda@yahoo.com) September 20, 1999 (10:06) The Inanimae Gloams: First, they discuss what the point of the bulb is. Then, if one is large enough, he takes about three hundred bulbs and tries to screw one in without crushing it. Kuberas: Who needs light bulbs when we could have natural light? Now, isn't that better? Ondines: None. Water and Electricity don't mix. Parosemes: Just one. But he'll start, forget about it for a week, start again, forget about it, and never actually get it done. Solimonds: Two. One to throw away the llightbulb, while the other one sets fire to the house. Mannikins: All of them. After three weeks of clandestine meetings in the department stores of America, they all journey to a CVS, take a light bulb, and force someone else to do it, just like human beings. -- Whysper (aspenda@yahoo.com) ATog September 21, 1999 (12:17) How many Changelings does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Why only two of course, hopefully there Pooka... and that they have the Metamorphasis Art. Of course Light bulbs arent the best place to screw... "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) September 22, 1999 (23:11) How many Charlies does it take to screw in a lightbulb: 1. Not enough information. One is needed to actually do the work and an extra needed for every Sidhe Maiden watching. 2. Depends does the lightbulb belong to a Sidhe lady? 3. "I'm not quite sure Lady. Personally I would enjoy it if you remained with me in here in the dark..." 4. None. We cats have nightvison. 5. Of course I'll help you Kerri ... 6. Do it yourself Drak... 7. And many more... "Charlie" -- "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) ATog September 23, 1999 (12:14) you disgust me Charlie, but in a good way. In a way lick screwing an electrical outlet is good... -- ATog Sicko September 24, 1999 (20:39) Two. Hopefully they'd be sluagh wilderrs using squirm......... -- Sicko Scarlet of House Scathach (SScathach@aol.com) September 27, 1999 (21:28) Ah, actually Charlie? Here's a slight amendment to your earlier breakdown of the Houses as I've always seen it... GWYDION: Just one. They merely stand with the bulb in hand and wait for the world to revolve around them... SCATHACH: No one knows... They refuse to tell anyone. Scarlet of House Scathach "You know you're a Changeling Redneck if you still wonder why David and Morwen gave up on getting married..." -Scarlet of House Scathach "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) September 30, 1999 (10:35) Hehe House Scanath... Hey I know Atog's going to dislike this but HEY! Sorry I can't resist... HOW MANY ATOGS DOES IT TAKE THE SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB! 1:) 1 as he orders his minions to do it. 2:) 1 to use nameing to make the lightbulb live again. 3:) 1 to ignite Stormbringer as a substite. 4:) 1 to call Tony the Weasal to send down a new bulb 5:) 0 challengs the lightbulb owner to a duel and Patsy does it. 6:) 0 he gives the lightbulb a sip of the Holy Grail and it lives again! Let's do it FOR ALL THE FORUM characters! "Charlie" -- "Charlie" (tcp@zoomnet.net) The Mess (The_Mess@my-deja.com) September 30, 1999 (11:20) Okay.... Kerris: Oh, I don't know, maybe, I guess I could do it myself, except that sometimes I forget to turn the switch off and then when the light comes on while I'm changing it and it surprises me and then I sort of fall off the chair. So maybe two would be better. Or just somebody to remember to turn off the switch. How many Red's does it take to change a lightbulb? One: Red looks at the burned out bulb. She grabs an ax and throws it at the bulb smashing it. "It's changed." How many Robert's does it take to change the lightbulb? Answer: We don't let Robert change lightbulbs, he keeps trying to sort all the prospective new bulbs... How many Zoës does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: "It's just like a man to say 'screw in' instead of 'change'. Can't you testosterone burdended morons say anything without trying to make some kind of sexual pun out of it? Change you're own stupid lightbulb." (Sorry for borrowing Red, but it seemed funny. Please don't hurt me.) The Mess (The_Mess@my-deja.com) September 30, 1999 (11:22) How many Draks does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes hours for him to find one in that bag... (Great, now two of em are mad at me!) Roger (changeling@sidestep.to) September 30, 1999 (14:41) How many Nevers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Nevers don't screw in light bulbs, but hundreds of them gather around the changing of the light bulb and watch anxiously to see if it will be a boy, girl or neutral light bulb. Big parties (well, big for a Never anyway) are then held celebrating the new birth, after which they go look for another light bulb that needs changing. Land of Eight Million Lightbulbs Fu Hsi: Only one, but only after making sure the bulb and the socket are compatable. Hanumen: None. They get the irresistable urge to juggle with lightbulbs once they handle them, resulting in disaster. Heng Po: One, but they have to find a light bulb that is lost first. Nyan: They make their lovers change the lightbulbs. Tanuki: One screws in the lightbulb while several others stand around to acknowledge the glorious deed and compose haikus to commemorate it. Chu-ih-yu: They restore the tungsten inside the bulb, and make sure it will never burn out again. Chu Jung: Who needs bulbs? You need light? Make fire. Hou-chi: One but only after proper mourning is done for the deceased lightbulb and it is properly buried. Komuko: They will change bulbs only if an equal number will remain burned out to maintain balance. Suijen: One will screw in a new lightbulb and another chides and ridicules the burned out one for failing in its duty. Roger Frederick Beccatoria (Beccatoria@mordor.globalnet.co.uk) September 30, 1999 (17:52) I'm still a newbie around here, but hey, I'll give you mine anyway, a couple of you guys know me. Beccatoria: 1, but not her. After looking sickeningly sweet at the nearest possible light-bulb changing candidate for a while, they'll change it just to get her to stop, whereupon she'll present them with a light bulb cunningly hidden in some pocket and probably stolen from a Sidhe. Oh yes, and she'll keep up an annoying yet unstopable commentary throughout, and probably lift your wallet. No, strike all that, after a second or two of staring at the light bulb in fascination, something else will catch her attention and she'll wander off. Either that or she'd arrange a funeral and demand that everyone attend the wake of the poor desceased lighting implement. Beccatoria. On another tangent; how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only 1, but the lightbulb has to *want* to change. *Awkward Silence*. Well, *I* thought it was funny.